Dear A,

this is not even to anyone. i just feel like writing to myself. maybe one day i will realise how stupid i was for talking about this kind of issue. (lol)
anyways,i dont know why. i just cant forget about this one person. at first i told to myself not to like anyone in my class. but i end up liking him like crazy. is this normal? i am not used to like immature guys like him. i dont know what should i do. i wanted to forget about him but i cant. he is exactly like my first crush. i keep on thinking about him. i pray to Allah to make this feeling stop. i just cant deal with heart break already. but i just cant forget him that easily. he is like my drug. and i am overdosed by his perfection. he always makes me feel like this. i wanted our relationship to stop. im just scared that i might end up being broken hearted again and again.

even if i try to forget about him, i just cant. i keep on looking at my conversation with him on whasapp. is this normal?  why do i always think about him? am i in love with him? NO ALIAH NO!  it cant be. i just want this thing to be over with. Ya Allah, im still thinking about him. i really miss him. it has been 2 days since we chatted on whatsapp and i still think it is a long time. i dont know why, before we were like sooo close. we talked about sweet things and then suddenly he stopped talking to me. i dont know why. the last 2 days he wasnt being him self. i sent him a message but he just reply like im nothing to him. is it because of the rumour? idk. is he ashamed of me because im not pretty?

the fact that he did this to me, it gave a huge impact in my life. i miss him like crazy. i cant stop thinking about him. just now my friend called me and she told me thaf he was being extremely nice to her and all that. i just wanted to cry. am i jealous? please dont be jealous. maybe im sad because he told me last monday not to cheat on him. but it turned out that he was cheating on me. i felt betrayed right now. i am ashamed of myself. and now he wont even talk to me. and i dont know why :'(
if he wants to be friends, dont ask me to say i love you. dont ask me to comfort you
everytime you are upset, dont ask for my heart; dont ask me not to be too close with his friend.